Time has passed

Geez, I haven't written on this blog since the end of September. Let's see, I think I was still exuberant about the triplet situation back then. Even through the financial markets were crumbling away. I didn't care. I was euphoric. Then one day I was driving the Jeep down
Route 9 and I suddenly thought, "Triplets! Jeeez. I didn't want Triplets! I only wanted one. A Baby. Not three. Just One." That was the beginning of a long middle period. In the middle period, I was somewhat remote from myself, irritable with people, overly focused on work-related issues, and prone to complaining about life. People would ask about the babies and I would force a smile and say, "Great." This was the period when the psychiatrist next door would see me every week and say, "Triplets?! I'd shoot myself!" and I'd say, "Yeah, thanks for that!" The middle period lasted what seemed like a long time. I am recovering from the middle period the past few weeks. The first signs of recovery from the middle period are symptoms of fear and panic. Holy Crap! My wife might die! I have to say, nothing could be worse than that. Children with birth defects and life threatening illnesses I can handle. Luciana dying - unimaginable. She said to me about three weeks ago, "If I die, I want you to take the girls and go to Brazil and my mother will help you raise them." I used all my patience to restrain myself at that moment. But as my recovery from the middle period progresses, I am less covertly panicked and more openly panicked, which is progress. Today Luciana saw her doctor, who gave her a letter releasing her from work after this Thursday. She'll be home, not on bedrest, but resting and not traveling around town. For that I'm grateful. I'm constantly hounding her: Don't bend over to pick that up, don't get down on your hands and knees to rummage under the sink, don't carry the laundry up from the basement. Etc. etc.