Bridges from now to then

I went to visit Luciana yesterday and found her with four of her school buddies having a visit.

After they left, the medical team came in to discuss the situation.

Baby B has IUGR (interuterine growth restriction) for the past several weeks. The new development is that they found, using a doppler, that her supply of blood through the umbilical cord is becoming restricted. But her vitality signs are still good.

Upshot is, they want to keep going with the pregnancy rather than deliver. Luciana was feeling desperate, that Baby B isn't getting supplied with nutrition any more. But it's not as cut and dried as that. The doctors' current judgment is, she's getting enough to benefit by staying inside. Risks of delivery at this point include bleeds in the brain and GI tract, and infections. It's safer for all three to stay inside, especially B because, with the growth restriction, the maturation of her organs is probably somewhat delayed relative to her gestational age. Although Luciana is feeling terribly burdened, to the doctors she looks really good. So they want to push on, aiming for 32 or 33 weeks. Probably we aren't going to go more than 14 more days.

So my prediction two weeks ago that 2/19 would be delivery day was wrong.

Luciana and I talked it over and settled back down for another couple of weeks of hanging out in the hospital.

The school buddies were pushing us to begin thinking about plans for taking care of the girls when we get home. We need to set up an online calendar that shows when volunteers can come to the house to help.

We haven't even bought cribs and baby seats yet. And I'm obsessing about getting a minivan and selling the MB.

But it's very hard to think much further ahead than tomorrow.

My hand has healed but my teeth are hurting all the time. Pain has a way of bringing you right down into the moment. At the moment my upper and lower jaws both ache and I have sharp pain in my front teeth. It moves around. I guess this gives me a window into Luciana's experience. She and I spoke last night at 10 pm. She was short of breath, a little panicky. I think her experience moves from moment to moment too. The days of actual babies and cribs and being home all seems very far away from us right now. Marina was talking to me yesterday about plans to go to NYC next Tuesday morning to pick up her grandmother, who is flying in from Brazil to stay for 40 days. I could barely lift my sights up that far ahead.

Luciana said last night, When this is all over it will seem like nothing. I've made the same point to her as well. We both now about the way time opens up as you go through it, how it compresses when you've gone through it. Crossing the bridge, the canyon yawns below. Once you're past it, it's just another bridge you used to get along your way.